This year I am looking at Mother's Day from the dark side. The child bearing side, the worry, the frustrations, the lonliness, the body shaming, the list thats never ending.
Recently I became a grandmother and a proud mother of a graduate from Alabama A&M University. While opening up my home to my only son to help him get back on track. It didn't take long before he had a full time job and began to take the neccessary steps to completing his goals. I am extremely proud of all my children and I am blessed that I have them alive and well.
Each experience was a happy one. The empty nest had me looking back over my life and I did not like what I saw. I focused so much on the best of times I never gave myself permission to recovery from the bad days. I never truly healed from the abandonment, mental, physical and sexual abuse, death and that never ending list that mother's have. The build up was so strong that I have now been crying for days. Today I am realizing it is prefectly fine to cry.
Here's the strange part. Noone asked me if I was ok. Noone wanted to hear me out. I heard you are a negative person just bringing up drama. This type of mindset is truly sad. Whats even sadder is I was once that person because its how I knew to cope with trauma. Keep it to yourself and don't say nothing.
I can recall me telling my mom about an distressing experience I suffered as child. She looked at me and kept talking like I had not said a word. I kept talking too. I can also recall my children coming to me with emotional grief and I can clearly hear me saying suck it up or we got business to handle. This type of damaging behavior is unacceptable. The cycle of pain, hurt, and family dysfunction has to start with open communication. No matter how difficult the conversations.
I see it like this, When you cut your finger the worse pain is afterwards. Touching the cut and bumping it on something hurts like hell. Only when I say this finger is hurt and stop using it, finding myself using my right had although I'm a lefty to avoid hurting my finger. I pay attention to my finger. I watch it heal.
Why don't we pay attention to our mental health. We ignore feelings so long it turns into a slow recovery. It took my over twenty-five years to reveal and release pain. I encourage you not to wait so long.
I need balance in my life. If I am hurting I should be able to express that. The facts are stress is a disease and can kill. So Mothers if you need to hit the pause button on life and take some time to reevaluate do just that, and don't ask permission.
Here are some tips.
Reach out to someone who will listen.
Accept your feelings. Allow yourself to feel without shame or guilt
Speak positive affirmations while dealing with your with unhappy emotions.
Do yoga and meditation to keep calm
Write down your thoughts.
Avoid alcohol or drugs during this time.
Seek professional help
If you feel like crying let the tears flow.
Family ask your mother is she ok, or is there anything she would like to talk about. You may hear something you don't like, but thats okay. Be quiet, listen and gain understanding your time for healing will come soon enough.